GREAT EXPECTATIONS

Our culture of artifice leads us to have impossible expectations in all aspects of our life. Television, movies and songs are the most powerful cultural influences if only because of their popularity. The first two create a powerful relatable false reality by mixing sound and vision. Songs are often more consciously beloved, internalized, exalted. When their idealized message is not realized, we are discontented. At least that’s what I tell myself when I feel like a loser. This I believe.

I say “leads us” instead of “forces us” because our earliest immersion in modern myths isn’t forced. As children we welcome it’s seductive flash. What child can deny these t.v. shows that are designed with decades of market research- millions each year!- to be irresistible. Full of color, movement, repetition and exciting sounds, they are literally entrancing. Most people I know were heavy users from a young age.

And what lessons did we learn? After overcoming some trifling problem couples live happily ever after. Most people are well off, happy, confident, attractive. Many are extraordinarily talented in some way: athlete, musician, a very intuitive detective. I assumed my life would end up like theirs. What’s not shown is that most lives don’t. Not without the daily work that goes into an extraordinary life. It is an extra ordinary amount of work.

It could easily be argued that my parents and school should have provided a counterweight to these heavy myths, but my parents were passive, almost non-intrusive. They had no money for any activity I was interested in and there was no family activity they were interested in at all. Mostly I remember them watching a lot of television.

I was a very bright student but the curriculum moved so slowly I became irritable and skipped often because my mother didn’t mind. I certainly wasn’t taught the value of hard work because there was no hard work for me. My school system was under funded so the twice-weekly advanced class was the limit of my accelerated advancement opportunities. Due to my frustrations with schools seeming worthlessness and a family crisis I dropped out when I was sixteen. My vice principle, art teacher and English Teacher visited me separately at my home to plead for me to return, but I couldn’t be convinced that school would help me achieve happiness, confidence, looks and extraordinary abilities.

Soon after quitting school I moved into my friend’s house and began a series of low paying menial jobs. I quit watching T.V. and started smoking weed heavily. I thought I was onto something deeper and purer, but after a decade under the influence I’ve come to the realization that I traded one unattainable dream for another. Getting high and screwing around may be great fodder for songwriting but it isn’t songwriting. I’ve recently been trying to adjust my expectations in accordance with reality, including taking an English comp class to improve my expressive abilities! I’ve researched success and accomplishment and found that diligent effort -daily, weekly, yearly- is the recipe for success. I wish I had my ten year head start.